


What's In a Name?

by dgdreamer



Series: The End is the Beginning [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Hawkeye (Comics), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Banter, F/M, Humor, Peter Parker Is an Awkward Bean, Secrets, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Has Met His Match
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 12:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16995207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dgdreamer/pseuds/dgdreamer
Summary: Tony Stark never remembers names, or he pretends he doesn't, and Lauren's (OFC) last name is a mystery. He needs to figure out what it is, but just asking won't work for the genius who can't admit that there's something he doesn't know. Lauren devises a clever way to keep him from hacking her files to keep her secrets. If it just happens to drive the billionaire, superhero crazy in the process... well, that's just a bonus.“Yeah, um, what is your last name? I’m sure either you or Agent Agent told us at some point, but you came on board and I wasn’t paying attention, then we almost got ambushed, then we didn’t, and I’ve been in my lab too much since then, so?” Tony looked at her expectantly.





	What's In a Name?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for all those who have been reading my little bits of fluff and fun over the last few days. The response has been awesome so far. I'm used to an audience of two ;-) So... here is another scene in the life of Lauren. There is much more to come and the ratings will ramp up eventually... just as soon as I can break down and write the smut that dances in my head as I'm outlining future escapades. 
> 
> As always, thank you to my lovely beta, friend, and co-conspirator in all things Tony Stark, the lovely and equally talented A_Roz... girl, we're going to get to the Tony love soon. After that, I promise you a little more Loki love on my other WIP. 
> 
> Kudos and Comments will please the muse. But enough from me... On with the show!

Paperwork. Who would have thought that people would still be doing paperwork… on actual paper… in the twenty-first century? Really, hadn’t anyone thought to clue the powers that be in on the advantages of technology? For the people with some of the best, most advanced toys on the planet, SHIELD, or what remained of it, was still woefully behind in some ways.

Lauren scowled as she finished reading another completed report, added a few notes, and scribbled her signature in a hasty scrawl. She continued mumbling to herself as she added the document to the steadily growing pile of complete work, glaring at the stack that still needed her review. Somehow this small group of superheroes created piles of paperwork that were truly super-sized. She had been working for hours now, having moved to the common room kitchen to be near the world’s best coffee machine and hope for some interaction with her new team to distract her.

As Lauren just finished signing the next document, she heard the sound of people approaching from the elevators, apparently in a discussion that had been going on for some time.

“No, kid, your Aunt May would kill me if anything happened to you. I’ve already put you in enough rough spots and I’m not going to make things worse. You’ve had all the upgrades to your suit I’m going to do for now… and definitely no repulsors.” Tony sounded like this wasn’t the first time he had refused and was getting tired of the conversation.

“But Mr. Stark,” a young man’s voice piped in, “think of how much…”

“…more trouble you could get us both in with that kind of upgrade. Sorry. No.” Tony almost sounded like he was giving the possibilities the kid had mentioned some thought. The two men rounded the corner, “Oh! Sherlock! Didn’t know you were here.” He pulled up a little short, both of them looking a bit surprised and worried that they had been overheard. “Let me introduce you to one of my, uh, interns, Peter Parker. Pete, this is Lauren, she’s well, our Sherlock, she finds things that Patch and Agent’s other eyes don’t even know to look for.”

“Intern, hmmm, Stark, okay, we’ll go with that.” Lauren shot him a look. She knew who the kid was, but apparently it wasn’t something they wanted as common knowledge. “Nice to meet to, Peter,” she extended her hand, smiling. “Don’t mind me, I’m just finishing some paperwork. These guys cause trouble and I’m left with the fallout. Hope to see you around more.”

“Nice to meet you too, Ms. …. Uh…. Sher… hmmmm… ma’am,” the young man stammered, clearly not comfortable calling her by her first name but having no other option than her nickname based on their introduction. He looked to Tony for help.

“Yeah, um, what is your last name? I’m sure either you or Agent Agent told us at some point, but you came on board and I wasn’t paying attention, then we almost got ambushed, then we didn’t, and I’ve been in my lab too much since then, so?” Tony looked at her expectantly.

“Stark! I’m disappointed and hurt. You’re a genius and you know enough about me to give me a nickname, but you can’t remember something as simple as my real name.” Lauren turned away, waiting for his reaction and hoping she had deflected the question and the fact that no one had actually told any of them her last name. The fact that the name on her SHIELD file was nowhere close to the one she had been born with was beside the point. Anyway, that girl who walked away from everything and became something else was dead as far as anyone would ever know. Her name wasn’t the issue, it was the fact that the new name reminded her of who she was and wasn’t anymore.

“Didn’t answer my question there, nice try.” Before she could stop him, Tony had snatched one of the signed reports from the stack of papers near him, scanning it for her signature. When he saw the barely legible scrawl there he huffed. “Did you study medicine too? Woman, that signature is a mess.”

“And you’re one to talk? Some of us just don’t need the excuse of fame to get lazy with our penmanship,” she smirked back, taking a glance at Peter, “but with all the reports I sign off on, I might just do as many autographs as you do, Iron Man.”

“Keep dreaming, I got years on you. Speaking of years, I know I’m not getting that old,” he continued not letting the topic die, “I would remember your name if someone told me.”

“I think it’s just one of your annoying little habits coming back to bit you in the ass, Stark. You’ve spent so long misremembering names and intentionally calling people by the wrong one that it’s turning into your default. Might be time for you to be reprogrammed, genius.” Lauren threw the last sentence over her shoulder, gathering her work and heading for the elevator. She decided to have a bit more fun at Tony’s expense as she exited on her floor. “FRIDAY, can you redact my last name from all documents accessed by Mr. Stark? Anyone else should see whatever they have clearance for, and he can see anything except my surname and all references to my surname. And, just to have a bit more fun, how about you randomly redact other personal information in his view only as well. Make sure he can read anything important, but he needs to learn some manners, I believe. Oh, one more thing, can you completely redact any document he finds by hacking into SHIELD files? Replace the text with cute kitten videos set to run for 30 minutes before completely shutting down.”

“Of course, ma’am, and should I delete this conversation from all records as well?” The AI suggested.

“FRIDAY, you are quickly becoming one of my favorite people.  If you have any other thoughts like that, just go with them.”

Lauren shouldn’t feel the need to annoy Tony at every opportunity, but he hadn’t been the friendliest to her when she first came to live in the Tower and even now he didn’t seem to trust her outside of her regular duties. That she had won the loyalty of his AI was nothing short of miracle in itself. Today was the first time he had even acted like he appreciated having her around. She didn’t know if this would win him over or antagonize him, but it was just too good a chance to take advantage of his nature. She wouldn’t push him too far, but she was anxious to see exactly how far he would go to get what he wanted. She knew he hated to admit there was something he didn’t know and couldn’t find out on his own, and simply asking her again while admitting it had probably not even entered his list of possibilities.

 

Three nights later found Lauren enjoying a movie with Peter, who had become something of a regular visitor in the evenings, Natasha, and Steve when she was reminded about Tony’s quest to find out her name.

“Say, Ms…. Um… Lauren,” Peter blushed, “did Mr. Stark ever figure out your last name? After you left the other day it really was driving him crazy. He headed off to his lab talking to himself and working on a StarkPad like he was trying to solve one of the mysteries of the universe.”

Natasha and Steve looked at them questioningly. Obviously Stark hadn’t come to anyone here and just asked, so she guessed he was still in the dark and searching. “I’m having a little fun with him, Pete,” she laughed, “I want to see how long he can go before he admits to not knowing something, not being able to find the answer, and asks for help. I wonder how many kitten videos he’s watched by now?”

“The boss has watched 237 videos as of a few minutes ago,” FRIDAY chimed in, sounding almost amused.

At the confused looks from the others, Lauren explained what had happened and what she had done. It was then that she was struck with inspiration for how she could end this.

“FRIDAY, the next time Stark tried to hack into one of my SHIELD files, instead of the kitten video, please play the audio and video for “Cotton Eye Joe” by the Rednex on a continuous loop for one hour. You know what to do.” Lauren almost couldn’t finish the request through her laughter as she pictured Tony’s face at hearing one of the most annoying songs on the planet.

“You are a cruel, cruel woman,” Clint state dryly, taking his usual perch on the back of the sofa, clearly waiting for the show to start. “You two are either going to kill each other or rule the world together. Either way, I’m digging the entertainment value.”

They all went back to watching the movie, but only with partial attention. Their anticipation of what they knew would be an explosion was palpable. It was rewarded fifteen minutes later when Tony burst into the common room holding his StarkPad at arm’s length as it blared the techno-country (honestly, who thought that should be a thing?) song.

“Alright! Alright! I give up! Please make it stop! C’mon, Sherlock! I’ll do anything – just make it go away,” he whined over the noise of the music.

“FRIDAY, please cut the loop,” Lauren requested. Silence immediately descended on the room, much to everyone’s relief.

“Nice touch, by the way, disabling the ability to adjust the volume and have the song follow me from device to device when I tried to shut them down.” Tony looked almost impressed as he slumped onto the arm of the sofa.

“I can’t take credit for that one… FRIDAY? Did you improvise those instructions per our discussion for maximum benefit?” Lauren looked up at the ceiling.

“I adapted the parameters of your instructions in order for the boss to quote ‘learn his lesson,’ ma’am.” It almost sounded like the AI was trying to stifle amusement in the tone.

“Now you’ve corrupted my AI, too? Sherlock, I’m disappointed in you.” He tried lowering his eyebrows in an imitation of the “Captain America is Disappointed” look. “And you, FRIDAY, remind me to work on your programming later.”

“Nice try with the eyebrows, but they only work for Steve.” Lauren paused for a moment, turning sideways on the sofa to face Tony. “And now, as I recall, you owe me, and I quote ‘anything.’ This might be almost like finding the genie in the bottle. So,” she turned her gaze to the others in the room widening her eyes and giving a little wink, “what do I wish for?”

“You and your stupid name,” Tony grumbled. “I spent two days watching cat videos and dealing with redacted documents just trying to find your stupid name… and I almost had the right algorithm that would bypass your little traps when you changed the parameters. Well played.” His grudging compliment was all the victory that Lauren could have asked for, but she couldn’t resist prodding him just a little more.

“You know, Stark, I might just bank what you owe me. Who knows when I might need to take one of your suits for a test drive… or make use of your Tuscan villa for a little escape… or maybe not something for myself, the possibilities are endless, and it’ll be fun to keep you guessing on when I might cash in.” She grinned up at him teasingly. “Now, since you’re here and you’ve been holed up in your lab for days, go grab some leftovers out of the fridge and come watch the rest of this movie with us. I promise I’ll be on my best behavior.” She turned her own version of the pleading puppy eyes on him, hoping that they had finally established a better relationship.

“Okay! But only because I’m hungry and I’m locked out of the lab for the next eight hours… the Pepper Protocol kicked in.” Tony grabbed a cold slice of pizza and a beer from the fridge and came back into the room, flopping down beside Lauren and wiggling her out of the way. The rest of the team watched with interest as they elbowed one another into more comfortable positions, close but not touching.

Once the movie started playing again and everyone’s attention was back on the screen and off them, Lauren leaned slightly to the side, and without moving her head, whispered quietly, “My SHIELD file says Ward… so how about we just go with that. You don’t try to find anything else and we call it even? Let the past die, Stark… deal?”

Tony nodded slightly, darting his eyes toward her as he considered what she might be hiding. He would find out, no one could hide their secrets forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed. The next installment is almost ready to go. A little bit of Lauren/Steve interaction... things could start to get interesting around the Tower that exists in my head. 
> 
> If you're interested... the song that breaks Tony is "Cotton Eye Joe" by the Rednex. See it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOYZaiDZ7BM 
> 
> You're welcome, now it's stuck in your head too ;-)


End file.
